He Was WET!
by Bobagorn
Summary: Lots of wet Aragorn, some appearances by Spongebob and Co., three insane girls, possibly some Harry Potter, and did we mention we want to hear more about Samwise the Brave?
1. Wet Men and Insane Girls

A/N: Ok, here's our story. It consists of majorly odd stuff having to do with one of all of the following: LotR (mainly), Spongebob, Harry Potter, and 3 completely insane girls who need psychiatric help (courtesy of Matt). Anyway, we swearsssss on the preciousssss that we don't claim to own any of the things that are in our stories except our plot (the lotr plot goes to Tolkien) and ourselves, since we are really Liz, Krystal, and Heather. This is rated PG-13 for occasional swearing, overall insanity, and maybe, just maybe, a tad bit of snogging. ;)  
  
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Aragorn floated down a river, half unconscious, the other half of his mind stuck on that silly Arwen. Soaking wet and very waterlogged, he landed on a shore. Opening his eyes the least bit, he saw there was a horse about ready to profess its love to him and then 3 girls squashed uncomfortably on the horse. He looked nervous. The three girls didn't blame him because they made everyone nervous.   
  
They hopped off the horse and got into a line as a spotlight appeared out of nowhere, shining down on their lovely faces. They broke into a song and dance routine, blasting out, "Don't Mess With My Man," by Nivea. Aragorn sat right up, obviously confused and alarmed. "Who are you?" he asked, moving away from them a couple feet. "Don't move away! We are Krystal, Heather, and Liz, and we are here to star in this story and kick lots of ass!" yelled Liz. "Yeah! Forget that Arwen chick, we're coming to save you instead!" said Heather, as Krystal turned around, whistling. All of a sudden, another horse came into view, riding in very slow motion. (We would like to thank those camera effects dudes). Only that horse already had someone sitting on it. Actually, make that two people. And actually, they weren't really people at all. Spongebob Squarepants and Patrick Star rode in, laughing maniacally and half falling off the horse. Chittering with giggles, they sang the Bikini Bottom theme song:  
  
Bikini Bottom, we pledge our hearts to you  
As faithful, as sweet, as true, as blue.  
Bikini Bottom, we love you!!  
  
"Weeee, I smell like cherries!" yelled Krystal, fiddling with some of Liz's lotion from her bag. "OI! Gimme that!" shouted Liz, yanking the stuff and shoving it back into her bag. "You don't even LIKE cherries, Liz," said Heather. "Umm..umm..that's not the point!" said Liz, as Krystal mumbled, "Yeah, we'd better save it..just in case..mwahaha.." Liz turned towards her. "I heard that with my expert Elf hearing. Har. You nut." Heather told them to shut up and pointed towards Aragorn, who looked ready to dive back into the water and swim away. Far, far away. Spongebob and Patrick immediately ran for the river, splashing in the water. Aragorn weakly stood up and yanked his sword out. "AHH! Andúril!" yelled Liz, hiding behind the horse; the only one well versed in Lord of the Rings..stuff. The rest stood around stupidly, awaiting their impending doom. "No! No, Aragorn, we're on your side! We come to fight for Rohan! We're here to save you and help! WE LOVE YOU!" the girls shouted. He sheathed his sword. "You say you come to fight for Rohan..but from where do you come?" he asked, looking at them curiously. "Er...they're from Bikini Bottom," explained Krystal, pointing at the odd little sea creatures, "And we're from New York..although we're not so sure how we got here. We WERE in the movie theater actually WATCHING this scene and stuff..but *BAM* all of a sudden we got sucked in!" Liz yanked out her mini bow and arrows from her Legolas action figure, nestled safely in the pocket of her sweatshirt, and started flinging them everywhere, saying, "You have my bow!" Krystal yanked out a pencil and her movie stub, and not knowing what to do with them, started pretending they were a shield and spear. Heather, on the other hand, was content with hiding behind the two warmongering females. Then, she had a brilliant idea. "Mwahaha!" she cried, digging through her pockets looking for her eyeliner. Uncapping it, she explained to the group what she planned to do. "I can poke them in the eyes, then draw pretty pictures on their faces!" The girls jumped for joy but Aragorn made them stop, holding up a hand and calling out to them, "It's good that you want to help, but on one hand I'm kind of..wounded and on the other, we need to get to Helm's Deep before they Uruk-hai arrive and massacre the people of Rohan." Liz rolled her eyes. "Well aren't you Mr. Tactful?" she said. She clambered onto the horse again, pulling up Krystal and Heather, then started to ride off, then remembering Aragorn was hurt. "Wait!" cried Heather, jumping off. "We have to help him!" Krystal tossed her a box of Band-aids. "There ya go," she said. "That oughta work for..awhile." Heather helped him stick a couple on his bloodied up arm, then helped him (a little too much) onto his horse and had to be pulled away by Liz and Krystal and dragged back onto the horse before they all set off over the fields of Rohan. 


	2. Merry Songs and Orcs

Riding behind Aragorn to 'keep an eye on him', the three girls chatted and sang weird little songs as they rode, such as this:  
  
Ride, ride, ride your horse  
Over the open plain  
Merrily, Merrily, Merrily, Merrily,  
Or we'll hit you with a cane!  
  
Heather wanted to ride with Aragorn to make sure he didn't fall off but was restrained by Liz and Krystal for reasons not said. Liz, who was steering the horse, sighed and said, "The world is my toaster." Krystal pouted and said, "I want toast now. Thanks a lot, LIZZY." Liz stopped the horse, almost having Heather fall off. "WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?" she yelled, giving Krystal the psycho eye. "I CALLED YOU LIZZY!" Krystal yelled back, sticking out her tongue. "AHHHH!!" yelled Liz, knocking Krystal off the horse, but Krystal yanked Liz down with her, causing Heather to topple off as well, and the horse fell over too. "OOMPH!" yelled Liz, feeling quite squashed. Heather was whining about her rods popping out, and Krystal yelled out, "Ahh, this hurts like a mojo jojo in a dojo!" Liz laughed, then cried out, because the horse squished her when her stomach moved. Finally, the horse got up, and the girls keeled over in agony, pained by the muscular strain of..horse.   
  
"Ack!" yelled Liz, mounting the horse again, "He's ahead of us! We ride north!" Krystal and Heather pointed towards the shrinking shadow of Aragorn across the plains and yelled, "ONWARD!" Then Krystal played her nose and they rode forth like the wind, catching up to Aragorn within a few minutes. "How far do you think we are from Helm's Deep?" asked Heather, doing that weird hair flip of hers. "I dunno," said Krystal, "But I hope there's a fast food joint or something, 'cause I'm really hungry!" Liz rolled her eyes, muttering something about Pippin. "Well..lemme think," she pondered, estimating where they could be. "Helm's Deep took them about a day to get there and we were halfway there already..we should be there within a few hours..I hope..I wonder if they have indoor plumbing.." Now it was Krystal's turn to roll her eyes.   
  
Liz moved the horse up towards Aragorn, riding beside him. She faintly heard Heather whistle and could sense Krystal's winking. Liz always knew she was psychic. Not looking at him, she asked, "How are you doing?" "Fine," he answered. "A little sore, but falling off a cliff would do that to you." Liz rolled her eyes and muttered, "Well, gee, you weren't even s'posed to...", cut off by Krystal who punched her and hissed, "Well, unlike you Liz, some of us haven't read the books. Shut up!" Liz took one hand off the reins, and rubbed her shoulder where a bruise was sure to show later. "Ladies," said Aragorn sternly. Heather did the 'girlie giggle', Krystal rolled her eyes again, and Liz..did nothing.   
  
They rode in silence for about two hours, bored as bored can be, when they came to a large plateau. Moving their horses as far from the edge was they could, the girls and Aragorn peered down, taking in the view of Saruman's Uruk-hai armies. "Sweet mother of pearl!" Liz said softly. Aragorn hushed her, looking a bit further. "They're ten thousand strong, at least," he estimated, craning his neck for a better view. "We have to get to the fortress, NOW." He backed out his horse, riding back down the hill and southwards. Heather let out a girly sigh, muttering something about his smart manliness. Liz steered the horse behind Aragorn's, and rode as quickly as she could. They weren't too far from Helm's Deep, but they had to outride the Uruks and warn the people in the Deep.  
  
Liz was scared. They were all going to be massacred, and her friends and herself among them. "Aaaaaah!" Liz moaned. "I'm going to dieeee.." 


End file.
